Nurturing Love

Mother’s Day is tomorrow, so Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers, grandmothers, stepmothers, foster mothers, or women who fill the role of mother in someone’s life.

I am blessed to be a mother to three amazing children. I don’t know why God chose me to be their mom, but I’m so grateful He did. My life would not be complete without them. “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3

I became a mom at twenty-years-old when my daughter arrived. Luckily, I was old enough when my youngest sibling was born to learn some of the basics of child-rearing. However, I was still out of my element.

Caring for a child requires so much nurturing, time, guidance, responsibility, and patience. It’s hard to fathom how much energy it takes until you’re in that role. You literally have a tiny human being who is completely dependent on you 24/7, and that can be terrifying and exhausting at times.

As a first-time mom, I remember being so careful with every little thing. I read some parenting books and was often calling my mom with questions about what was normal or how I should do this or that. There is a lot to learn as a new parent, and despite what others say, there is no perfect way to mother a child because all children are different, as are all mothers.

However, Proverbs 22:6 gives us some insight. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” If you teach children when they are young how to properly behave, treat others respectfully, and to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37), they are more likely to continue those traits into adulthood, as well as pass them onto their own children.

When I had my second child, I was more confident in my parental abilities, even though there was an almost seven-year age gap between him and my daughter. By my third child, I thought I would be a pro at motherhood. However, God decided to challenge me.

My youngest child, unbeknownst to me, was born with a genetic condition called Fragile X syndrome. I didn’t realize that anything was different until about 9 months of age when I noticed he wasn’t hitting the appropriate developmental milestones.

He started therapy right away and was evaluated at an autism center around 2 years of age. He received diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and gross developmental delay at that time, and after genetic testing was completed, Fragile X syndrome was confirmed.

I had never heard of Fragile X syndrome before. I learned it is an inherited condition that arises from a defect of the FMR1 gene on the X chromosome. It can result in developmental issues, cognitive impairment, and intellectual disabilities.

If you’re not familiar with genetics, here’s a quick overview of sex chromosomes. Females have two X chromosomes, while males have a both an X and a Y chromosome. A mother always passes on an X chromosome to her children, while the father can provide either an additional X chromosome to produce a female child or a Y chromosome to produce a male child. Therefore, only I could have passed on the defective gene that caused my son’s Fragile X syndrome.

When I found out I was the cause of my son’s condition, I was devastated. I blamed myself, although I was unaware that I was a carrier. One of my goals as a mother is to help my children reach their full potential in all aspects of life. I was worried that I had robbed my youngest son of great possibility.

Moms, never doubt the capability of your children or the determination in yourself to help them succeed. The most important things a child needs (in my opinion) are your time, your good example, and your love. If you provide them with those things, I truly believe they will thrive.

The Bible instructs us on love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

As usual, God knew what I needed when I didn’t. As with my other children, God gave me my youngest son because I was meant to be his mom. There are no words to describe how special he truly is and the impact he makes on those he encounters each day. He makes me a better person and a better mom.

Indescribable Love

One innate aspect of motherhood for me is the soul-deep love that I feel for each of my children that began the first time I laid eyes on them. While my love for them began when they were in the womb, it was that first glimpse of their precious faces that did me in each time. I knew they were mine, and I was completely theirs.

I had a terrible first birthing experience. I went into the hospital the night before they planned to induce my labor, which they did early the next morning. However, late into that evening, there was still no progress and my daughter’s heart rate began to drop.

Therefore, it was decided an emergency C-section was needed. My doctor had just gone off-duty for the night, so I was unfamiliar with the doctor who would be doing the surgery.

After two attempts, the anesthesia team was unable to get a spinal block in place, and with time running out, they decided general anesthesia was the way to go. Therefore, I was completely alone and unconscious during the delivery of my first child. I was scared out of my wits and remember praying to God as they wheeled me into the surgery room that I would wake up to meet my child.

I started counting backward from ten as they were putting the mask over my face, but I only remember getting to seven. The next thing I knew, I was dazedly awakening to people standing around my hospital bed, while a swaddled baby was being thrust into my arms.

As I gathered my wits, I looked down and saw the most beautiful face I had ever seen, my daughter’s face. I immediately started crying from the overwhelming sense of love I felt for her and the knowledge that my life would never be the same from that moment forward, and that was okay.

At that point, I took on the role of mother wholeheartedly, and like my own mother and her mother and I suspect her mother, I have tried to put my children’s needs before my own ever since.

This fall, my daughter will begin her senior year of high school. It is mind-blowing how quickly time flies. The simple fact is that children grow into adults, and you can’t hold onto them forever. At some point, you’ve got to cut the strings and let them take off on their own.

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue,” (Proverbs 31:26). One of the best things you can do as a mother is teach your children about the Lord, and through your actions, show them the love their heavenly Father has for them.

If you give them the tools needed and set the example for them, they are more likely to continue down the path the Lord is leading them on.  Like everyone, they may stray from that path or even go backwards at times, but you can’t force them down a road they’re unwilling to travel. You can simply be present to point them in the right direction when needed and encourage them to make the right choice.

I’m not the best mom by any means, and I’m sure I fail my children often. However, I try to do what’s best for them. Mothering is not an easy job, but what a blessed one it can be! Proverbs 31: 28-29 states, “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’”

Remember moms, when you have those rough days when you just want to go off by yourself so you can have one moment of silence or so you can break-down in peace without a million demands raining down on you, remember that God called you for this…to motherhood and all that entails because he knew you were just what your kids needed.

If you feel you’re not being the mother you should be for your kids, ask God to help you do better and look for guidance in His word. Turn to God during the difficult times. The Lord promises us, “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13

Sacrificial Love

There are many examples in the Bible that show a mother’s love for her child(ren); however, one story found in 1 Kings 3:16-28 stuck with me over the years.

This passage takes place during King Solomon’s reign in Israel. Two women came before the king, one with a living baby and the other with a baby who was dead.

The first woman claimed she had a baby in the home shared by the two women, and then three days later the second woman had a baby as well. They were alone in the house during this time, so no witnesses were present.

The same woman claimed during the night, the second woman rolled over onto her baby, and he died. When the first woman woke up, she saw a dead baby in her arms that she recognized was not the same one she had given birth to. She claimed the dead child was swapped with her own while she was asleep.

However, the second woman claimed the first was lying and that the living baby was truly hers. They argued back and forth until Solomon, in his wisdom, asked for a sword to be brought to him. Solomon offered a compromise (barbaric as it seems) that he would cut the living child in two with the sword so that each woman could have half.

Distressed, the first woman begged the king to spare the child’s life and give him to the second woman. However, the second woman said neither should have the child and encouraged cutting the baby in two.

Solomon recognized that the woman who wanted to spare the child’s life was the true mother and ordered that the living child be given back to her.

I remember first hearing this story as a young girl and being appalled that the second woman was so cruel that she wanted to rob another mother and have a baby killed. However, now that I’m older, I can better understand each woman and be empathetic to their respective situations.

I try to picture what the second woman was going through at this time. In her sleep, she accidentally rolled over onto her child, killing him in the process. She was the cause of her own child’s death before he even had a chance to experience life. I think I would be beside myself in despair, guilt, and disappointment. Then, to have to live in the same home with another woman and her baby would be extremely difficult, always yearning for the child you lost and wondering about “what ifs.”

I’m not making excuses for this woman, but I do feel some compassion toward her suffering. During times of psychological stress, we don’t always make logical decisions, but act on impulse due to strong emotions instead of calming ourselves and taking time to think things through. I feel this grieving mother made a terrible decision and said harsh words that maybe she would not have done if she hadn’t just lost her own child.

Nevertheless, I will always remain on the side of the true mother who was willing to give up her child to another to save his life. That is true self-sacrificing love, doing what is best for your child despite what you may be giving up in the process. Sometimes that’s hard to do, but if you love your child as the Lord loves you, you can make those tough decisions knowing that the sacrifice will be worth it in the end.

To you mothers who made the difficult choice to give your child up for adoption, I commend you. Firstly, giving a child the right to life and then secondly the opportunity to be loved and raised by a family who may not have had the opportunity to have a child of their own, is an act of self-sacrificing love.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:7-9

Jesus loves us with a self-sacrificing love, so much so that He shed His holy blood for us and died for us, sacrificing himself to redeem us and give us a chance at eternal life. We don’t deserve that sacrifice, but Jesus loves us all the same.

Think about how you feel when your child isn’t appreciative of your love and efforts as a mother. Please, don’t waste Jesus’ sacrifice or discard His love.

Have a blessed week!

P.S. If you’d like to learn more about Fragile X syndrome or contribute to research for a cure, please visit The National Fragile X Foundation at https://fragilex.org or FRAXA Research Foundation at https://www.fraxa.org. 

-Becky