Past

The end of the year tends to be a time of reflection, thinking back on the past twelve months and evaluating the good and the bad. After watching several Christmas movies this past month, the classic film based on Charles Dickens’ book, “A Christmas Carol”, comes to mind. The story includes three ghosts who visit the antagonist the night before Christmas, one who examines his past, one who reveals present happenings, and one who foreshadows the future if he remains on his current path.

This year is the last year of my 30s. This year, it finally hit me that I’m not young anymore. I have a daughter that just turned 19 years old yesterday. I’ve been out of high school for 21 years! I have joints that hurt daily and don’t work like they used to, along with an increase in fine lines on my face that weren’t present before. My oldest son is just a few inches shy of passing me up in height.

A lot can happen in a year’s time, and 39 years of life hold a lot of memories and experiences, some I cherish and some I wish I could do over at times or at least forget about.

I haven’t lived a saintly life by any means, and there are many decisions I made in my past that I’m ashamed of. You would cringe at some of my stories from my younger years. I liked to party and drink heavily. I tried drugs and cigarettes. I had a child out of wedlock. I had poor self-esteem, hated my appearance, and had an eating disorder. I could go on and on.

I’m embarrassed to admit these things, but I’m doing so with humility to show that just because I write a Christian blog doesn’t mean I’m perfect or that I think I’m better than anyone else. No one is perfect, and we all have a past. We all deal with the stain of sin in our lives. “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23).

I still sin every day, even when I try not to, because I’m human. Some of my biggest struggles are cursing, driving too fast, impatience, and unChristian thoughts toward those who do me harm.

Before I gave my life to Jesus in my early 20s, I didn’t know my own worth. I was searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, and because of that, I was never truly satisfied. I made poor choices and did stupid things I now regret. Thankfully, we have a Savior that is willing to forgive all our sins…the ones from the past, the ones from today, and the ones to come.

1 John 1:8-10 instructs, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.”

Before I was saved, I was also overcome with the weight of my sin, and I used to dwell on all the things I’d done wrong. It used to eat me up inside. However, when I became a child of God, that weight was lifted from me, and I was finally able to let go of those burdens. I felt the freedom that comes with forgiveness.

When we make the decision to give our lives to Jesus, he makes us a new being, one worthy to be welcomed through the pearly gates when we leave this earthly life. He alone erases the stains of our past with the blood He shed on the cross for us. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:” (2 Corinthians 5:17-18).

If your past decisions are keeping you prisoner today and if you don’t know the love and mercy of Jesus Christ, I pray that you would seriously consider taking Him up on His gift of salvation. It’s free to you; He already paid the price. You will not regret it.

We can’t erase our pasts, but we can forgive and be forgiven and let go of our guilt and shame. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland,” (Isaiah 43:18-19).

There is nothing in your past God cannot forgive, no stain He cannot wash clean. He changed my heart and my life, and He can change yours too. As the old hymnal says, “Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow.”

Present

This year has been one of the worst in my life. However, while I could go on and on about how difficult it has been, I find that I’m at peace with what is. When I look back on 2024, I find that despite the negative things, it was in fact one of the best years of my life. While there was one majorly bad aspect, there were numerous positive experiences that lit up the dark.

“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light,” (Psalm 18:28).

I watched my daughter complete her senior year of high school and participated in all the “Senior Mom” events. I stood beside her as she signed her letter of intent to attend college and play in a collegiate band. I observed her move into a new romantic relationship. I proudly listened to her salutatorian speech and handed her a high school diploma, along with a big hug, as she walked across the stage. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe with my daughter and my mom. I helped my daughter move to college and witnessed her blossom into a confident and independent adult these past few months.

I witnessed my oldest son’s physical transformation as he rapidly grew this past year. I watched him excel in academics and athletics. I observed his excitement and joy when I took him to his first concert, and we are anticipating attending our first NBA game together in a couple of weeks.

I am continually amazed by my youngest son’s intelligence and unique personality. While he’s had some struggles with the changes we’ve undergone this year as a family, his contagious smile still lights up any room. He is truly the coolest kid I have ever known. We love singing, dancing, playing, and laughing together.

I witnessed two beautiful couples pledge their lives to one another this year, and I attended several baby showers welcoming precious new lives into the world. My home has become a haven of peace these last 3 months.

I actually accomplished my new year resolutions for 2024! I read the Bible every day and finished the entire Word for the first time in my life! I also knocked out my fitness goals, exercising at least 30 minutes a day at least 5 days a week. At one point, I was down 22 lbs. Over the recent holidays, I did gain several of those back, but I plan to get on track again and refocus on healthier eating for the new year.

I’m happy to say as 2024 comes to an end that I am joyful for all my blessings and am content right where God has me currently. “This is the day the Lord has made; let’s rejoice and be glad in it,” (Psalm 118:24).

I have learned many tough life-lessons this year, but I have emerged stronger and wiser than I was before. I was able to find peace in the chaos and cherished every moment with the ones I love. I’ve learned to focus more on the present and push my anxieties about the future to the side. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own,” (Matthew 6:34).

This year, I learned I can do things by myself I didn’t think I could, and I was able to face my greatest fear. I learned that some broken bonds aren’t worth mending, loyalty isn’t always reciprocated, and promises are easily forgotten. I learned that every person will let you down in some way, but thankfully God never will. “…be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?’’’ (Hebrews 13:5-6).

I’ve learned to let those who choose to leave, leave, and that the people who are meant to stay will stay. Instead of fretting about things I can’t change, I found peace in just giving it all to God. Philippians 4:6-7 instructs, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I am extremely fortunate. Many people faced greater challenges than I this year such as the loss of loved ones, the loss of a home, businesses destroyed, severe financial constraints, devasting diagnoses. I pray for each of you who faced or are facing these trials.

Reading the Bible this year, especially Job’s story, I’ve learned that things can always be worse. However, if we cling to the Lord, even through our deepest struggles, He will help us to overcome and possibly even find ourselves in a better situation than we were before. Therefore, I will praise God on the mountain tops, and I will praise Him in the valleys as well. I hope you will too!

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun,” (Psalm 37:3-6).

Future

While we contemplate the outgoing year on December 31^st, we also anticipate the incoming year and what the future holds.

The biggest struggle for me this year was coming to terms with a future that will now never be…the traditions and routines that were shot. This Christmas, I had to dispose of 17 years of couple’s and family Christmas ornaments that are now irrelevant. I hung four stockings by the fireplace instead of five. I didn’t have my kids with me Christmas day. However, despite these things, it was a wonderful Christmas season.

My future is much less certain now. All the plans I had for my family and me as we get older…as my boys finish school, my kids start families of their own, when I reach retirement, etc., were demolished in an instant. I don’t even know where I’ll be living in six months. I don’t know which of the things I’ve acquired over the last 17 years will still be mine in the future.

Despite this, I remain hopeful for tomorrow because God promises that if we continue to follow Him, our future will be blessed. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

There is a woman in the Bible who showed contentment in her life despite her sorrows and had hope even when the bottom fell out of her world. She’s only known as the Shunammite woman, and you can read more about her in 2 Kings 4:8-37, 8:1-6.

This woman was referred to as “well-to-do,” and because she and her husband were blessed, they did the Lord’s work, providing hospitality to His prophet Elisha. Despite being barren in her older years, she still found contentment in her life with what God gave her. Because of her obedience to God, she was blessed with a son and praised God for such a gift.

However, several years later, the child became ill and died in his mother’s arms. Instead of cursing God or going into hysterics, she calmly laid the child down on Elisha’s bed and went to find the prophet. When asked if all was okay, she responded, “Everything is alright…” (2 Kings 4:26b). She trusted God not to forsake her, that everything truly would be all right, and she brought Elisha back to her son. Through Elisha’s prayers, God brought her son back to life.

While we don’t always get the miracle we pray for, and while God doesn’t always give us back what has been taken, He remains right where we are, staying beside us and giving comfort for whatever outcomes we face. “God is not a human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” (Numbers 23:19).

As I transition into 2025, I find that my story will be different than what I thought it would be, but I trust that God will make it better than anything I could have imagined and anything I could have previously fulfilled on my own. I made a conscious decision to leave in the past everything that devalues my life; I’m not bringing the negative into my future. I encourage you to do the same.

Hello 2025, and goodbye 2024. Hello to all the amazing things God is going to do in my life and yours this year, and goodbye to all those people and things that were tearing me and you away from the love of our Lord and the purpose He has for us.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 3:12-14).

Have a blessed week, and a Happy New Year!

-Becky