Clear the Fog

Have you ever found yourself in a slump when you didn’t feel like yourself and even doing the simplest of things left you feeling depleted? Have you ever lost interest in activities you enjoy and just can’t seem to make yourself get up and do the things you know you should be doing?

That’s the state I’ve been in these last few weeks. I just feel like I’m in a funk and can’t get back on track. It’s like there’s a fog surrounding me, and I’m struggling to get back to clearer skies.

One of the things that has suffered has been my blog. I haven’t posted anything new recently, and I apologize for that; it’s completely on me.

I started several posts these past few weeks, but I just can’t seem to finish any of them. It’s like my heart and head have not been in the right place, and my words just feel hollow.

My pastor often says, when you are doing God’s work, that’s when the devil comes after you the hardest. If you’re not doing things for God, Satan is happy and has no reason to intervene in your life.

I know I’ve veered off course lately. I’m trying to get back on track because I know what God has called me to do, and anything that goes against that is not of God. James 1:13 instructs us, “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.”

When I get in these seasons of low mood, I find that all aspects of my life are negatively impacted. Instead of clinging to God as I should and praying that he’ll help me break through the barriers, I start spending less and less time seeking Him, which makes the matter worse.

The farther I wonder away from God, the harder it is to find my way back at times. I often realize I’m trying to get back on my own instead of grasping onto God, who can easily pull me back onto the path where I belong. During such times, we must remember to, “Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” (Psalms 55:22)

It’s hard to stay the course on our personal walk with Christ, especially when almost everything we’re exposed to visually and auditorily goes directly against God’s Word. 1 John 2:15-16 warns us, ‘’Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-comes not from the Father but from the world.”

However, if we search out God’s Word, we can find the infinite promises He gives to His faithful followers that help to keep us positive and focused on Him. “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither-whatever they do prospers.” (Psalms 1:1-3)

Green is Not Your Color

Green is my favorite color, but when it comes to being green with envy, it’s not a good look on me, or anyone for that matter. There is a biblical woman we can learn from who went through a stage of envy herself, Miriam. You can read more about her in Exodus 2:1-10 and 15:20-21 and in Numbers 12:1-15 and 20:1.

Now, if you remember, Miriam was Moses’ big sister. Although not directly named, she was likely the one who stayed by his side as he floated down the Nile River in a basket as a baby. She watched over him and helped lead him to Pharaoh’s daughter, who took pity on him and decided to spare his life by raising him as her own.

However, that is not the story I want to focus on today. Today, I want to look at adult Miriam.

Miriam did great things for the Lord. She was a leader amongst the Hebrew women of her time. She was a prophetess and was gifted musically, often leading the Israelite women in song and dance in praise to God.

After being freed from captivity in Egypt, imagine the weight of anger and bitterness being lifted off the Israelites’ shoulders as hope and joy took their place. The Bible tells us, “Then Miriam the prophet, Aaron’s sister, took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women followed her, with timbrels and dancing. Miriam sang to them: ‘Sing to the Lord, for he is highly exalted. Both horse and driver he has hurled into the sea.’” (Exodus 15:20-21)

However, negative feelings often linger in the background, even when things are going well. Like all of us, Miriam also had her faults.

As Moses took charge, as God intended, leading the Israelites through the desert toward the promised land, a change began to take place in Miriam. Although God had blessed her, and along with her people, she had escaped the clutches of harsh Egyptian rule, she became bitter and envious of Moses’ leadership position. She began lashing out and speaking out against Moses, her own brother whom she helped save as an infant.

“Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. ‘Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?’ they asked. ‘Hasn’t he also spoken through us?’ And the Lord heard this.” (Numbers 12:1-2)

God was not pleased with Miriam’s bad attitude or her jealous words. Therefore, she had to pay a price for her actions. She developed leprosy for seven days before being welcomed back into the community.

When we find ourselves being jealous and envious of others, it can lead to a joyless and bitter existence. Be on guard, and if you find yourself in this situation, seek God who can help you, like Miriam, turn it all around. “I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.” (Jeremiah 31:4)

Stay the Course

It’s funny that almost every time I prepare a blog, my pastor’s weekly sermon seems to align with what I’ve been working on as well. I know that isn’t coincidence; it’s a God thing.

Today was no different. My pastor spoke about wandering away from God and being held accountable for our short-comings and sins. One of the negative attributes he spoke about was a bad attitude. That has been me these last few weeks.

Like all of us, I will have to give an account to God for my bad attitude and for not contributing to the body of Christ like I should. Hebrews 4:13 tells us, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

Being the fallible person I am, I find it hard to consistently live a life that is pleasing to God. I know that I fail every day, and it’s difficult to overcome that and focus on the positives.

Like Miriam, I have been dealing with envy and disappointment recently. I had a business idea I was pursuing, and just as I got serious and started making concrete plans, someone beat me to it, even down to the exact spot I was going to set up my venture.

This was the third time this happened to me, and the hardest by far because I had started actively pursuing this goal. Now, this undertaking wasn’t anything the Lord led me to. It simply stemmed from my own desire to start this particular business, and that’s most likely why I was disappointed.

Instead of focusing on the calling God did lead me on, I got sidetracked with my own plans, which did not come to fruition after all. Being envious seems ridiculous to me now, especially as I think of all that God has blessed me with already. As hard of a pill as it is to swallow, I know this business venture wasn’t in God’s plans for me, at least not right now.

I’ve decided the time for moping, bitterness, and gray moods are over. It’s time to let go of disappointed hopes and focus on my blessings. It’s time to clear the fog I’ve been living in these past few weeks and get back to open skies. It’s time to put aside the envy and be glad a new business is thriving in my community. It’s time to get back on track and stay the course in my walk with Christ.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

I must remember, as my pastor reminded me today, that my daily walk with Christ is the most important thing in my life, including Bible study, daily prayer, and fellowship with other believers. Without those things, my life gets thrown off track, and it negatively affects everything in my path.

If you’re struggling like I have been, I encourage you to let go of whatever is holding you captive today and continue down the path God is leading you on; just let it go.

It’s not going to be easy, but no matter the steps you take in the wrong direction, no matter how often you stall, no matter your stumbles along the way, never stop moving forward. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going, even when you don’t want to.

Surround yourself with those who lift you up in encouragement and who will literally pull you out of bed to get your feet back on the ground and get you going again.

As Paul prayed for the Ephesians, I pray for you and myself today, “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:14-19)

At the end of the day, and at the end of my life, I want to be able to say, as Timothy did, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7) I hope you can say that too.

Have a blessed week!

-Becky