Don’t Settle

These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of both activities and emotions for me, mostly joyous but some distressing as well. Unfortunately, the negatives put a damper on the cheerful occasions. This has made life exceedingly difficult for me, which in turn has led to my losing focus on my calling. I apologize for that.

We all come to pivotal moments when we find ourselves arriving at the end of a particular chapter of life while on the brink of another, a turning of the page as it were. My daughter just experienced this. The last few weeks included an array of high school graduation activities:  award ceremonies, Senior Baccalaureate, her college signing, her last band concert, her graduation party, and Project Graduation.

A week after Mother’s Day, I watched my firstborn child and only girl stand before her classmates and graduation guests and give her Salutatorian speech before walking across the stage where I was blessed to present her with her “diploma”.

During her speech, my daughter spoke some encouraging words to her classmates that really resonated with me. “No matter what path you’re headed down next, don’t limit yourself to an ordinary life. Set big goals and work hard to accomplish them. Success takes hard work and things aren’t given freely.”

When you choose a Christian life, you’re pledging to pursue an extraordinary life in service to Jesus. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me,” (Galatians 2:20).

When your goals align with God’s plans, they’ll always succeed. “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans,” (Proverbs 16:3).

Hard work brings reward. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving,” (Colossians 3:23-24).

Nothing is given freely; everything has a cost. “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect,” (1 Peter 1:18-19).

Interestingly, the last couple of weeks, my pastor preached messages about relationships and encouraged us not to settle in our dating life nor in our marriages. What stuck with me the most was, “If you do what most people do, you will get what most people get. If you do what the world teaches you to do, you’ll get what the world is getting, which is families breaking up and a greater than 50 percent divorce rate.”

He also reminded us to pay attention to one’s character. He said, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.” He also encouraged in dating to look for a partner who puts you before themself. Additionally, “look for the things God is bringing into your life.” The Lord sends you the right person, the right scripture, the right song, the right experience just when you need it. His timing is perfect. “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14).

So, why do we settle in life? Maybe because it’s simpler to do so…it takes less effort to choose the straightforward, easy option. Maybe because everyone else is making a similar choice, we feel pressured to do the same. Maybe we feel if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for us. In relationships, maybe we settle because we’re lonely and want that special connection with someone, so we don’t wait for the right one.

Whatever your reason, know the Lord has big plans for you and your life. However, when it comes to choices, ultimately, it’s up to you. You have the final say, and you must face the consequences of those choices, so choose well. Don’t settle for the easy, mundane, or worldly options. They won’t bring you happiness in the long run.

“Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness…But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord,” (Joshua 24:14-15).

Swallow the Bitter Pill

Watching my daughter finish her senior year of high school has been one of the most gratifying, but also bittersweet experiences I’ve had. She had several disappointments along the way; however, she stayed positive and persevered to reach her goals. I couldn’t be prouder of her, and I’m excited to see where God leads her next.

While my daughter has been turning the page on her formative school years, I have been saying goodbye to my baby girl. Now an adult and a high school graduate, she will be moving to college in a few short months, no longer a full-time resident in our home, no longer right down the hall to talk to or hang out with, no longer entertaining us on the piano nor hogging the bathroom with her thirty-minute showers. She has been a constant companion to me for the past 18 years, and it’s not going to be easy to let her go. However, I know I must.

While I’ve been struggling with the emotions of a child leaving the nest, an additional trial was thrust upon me: I was served divorce papers as I walked into my last school board meeting.

I admit I’ve been dealing with a lot of anger and bitterness surrounding this. I’m mad because what should have been a joyous and celebratory time in our family was polluted by this. I’m also angry because this is going to tear our family apart, and there’s no significant reason for it.

I’ve been trying to come to terms with my bitter heart, but it’s hard. However, Proverbs 14:10 reminds us, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share it’s joy.”

There’s a woman in the Bible who knew bitterness well, and we can learn from her example how detrimental bitterness can be. This woman’s name was Michal, and you can read more about her in 1 Samuel 18-19 and 2 Samuel 6.

Michal, the youngest daughter of King Saul, was given in marriage to David who won her hand after killing two hundred Philistine warriors to prove to her father he was worthy of her. However, as Saul became increasingly jealous of David, he sought to kill him and tried to use Michal as a pawn against her husband. However, Michal, who loved her husband, helped David escape.

After David fled, Saul forced Michal to marry another man. Many years passed, and once King Saul died, David became king of Israel. He then demanded that his wife Michal be brought back to him. Therefore, for the second time, Michal was forced away from a husband.

In 2 Samuel 6:16, we see that bitterness has entered Michal’s heart. “As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.”

When he got home, she confronted him in her bitterness. “When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, ‘How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!” (2 Samuel 6:20).

However, David stood up for his actions and for the Lord. What happened to Michal? She was barren, unable to have children the rest of her days.

We don’t know what led to Michal’s bitterness, but it probably stemmed from several things. Maybe she was bitter from the lost years with David or angry because he didn’t protect her from her father. Maybe she was bitter because she found happiness with her new husband over the years only to be taken away from him. Maybe jealously played a role because she loved David and now had to share him with his other wives who all bore his children. Maybe the bitterness was simply from a life of repeated manipulation by powerful men.

Whatever the reason, bitterness is not Godly, but instead opens the door to let Satan move in and lead you into further sinful behavior. “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold,” (Ephesians 4:26-27).

Bitterness is like a poison; when it takes root in your heart, it spreads outward to affect not just you but those around you as well. “Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many,” (Hebrews 12:15).

I know this, but it’s still challenging to overcome. However, the Lord calls us to be better and do better than those who hurt us, as Colossians 3 teaches us. “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips…Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you,” (Colossians 3:8 & 13). 

I apologize again to you, my readers. I appreciate all your support with my blog, but I admit I feel even less qualified to publish posts of Godly encouragement and advice when I am dealing with a failing marriage. I promised to be honest and vulnerable in my posts, but I feel like I’ve let you down. I just ask for prayers for my family as we go through this trial and face the aftereffects.

If you’re like me, dealing with a bitter heart today, I pray you find guidance from God’s Word. It’s never easy to overcome the feelings of betrayal and disappointment, but God promises us something to help us as we turn the page: hope. Know that this too shall pass, so swallow that bitter pill my friend…keep your chin up, keep moving forward, and keep seeking God in all things.

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us,” (Romans 5:3-5).

Stop Wandering

These past few weeks, I’ve been in a sort of haze. I feel like I’m just wandering around day-by-day, trying to pass the time until that certain something happens.

There’s a quote attributed to author and historian Hilaire Belloc that states, “I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.”

I would say this is the same in our spiritual life. So much is happening in my life right now that it’s hard for me to focus on what I’m supposed to be doing for God. It’s why I’ve been slacking on my blog posts. I can’t seem to concentrate or find motivation to complete the task because I’m so worried about what’s to come. However, I am trying to cling to God’s instruction, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own,” (Matthew 6:34).

When we are saved, we devote our lives to Christ. However, the distractions, temptations, and trials of this world often pull our focus away from our Heavenly Father, and we begin to wander away from Him and seek earthly fulfillment and purpose apart from Him.

Nothing good can come of this, as a life apart from the Lord is a recipe for disaster, for an eternal grave. Proverbs 21:16 warns us, “One who wanders from the way of good sense will rest in the assembly of the dead.”

My sister is a runner, and she was encouraging her son not to run so fast at the start of a recent 5K they did together. She told him, “You don’t win at the beginning; you win at the end.” The concept seems so simple and logical, but when you stop and think about it, it’s a profound testament to our Christian journey.

If we steadily and faithfully travel toward Jesus, we’re more likely to reach our desired destination without getting fatigued, wandering off for a rest, or stopping all together. Our ultimate prize in life doesn’t come until we reach the end. When this earthly life is over, and if you know Christ as your Savior, your reward is eternal life with Him.

“Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil. So don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is,” (Ephesians 5:15-17).

While many of us probably don’t intend to go astray on our walk with Christ, it happens, and when it does, it can be hard to get back on track. Wherever we’re headed in life influences how we conduct our life. “Without revelation people run wild, but one who follows divine instruction will be happy,” (Proverbs 29:18).

Therefore, we must make a conscious effort to stop wandering aimlessly and deliberately fix our eyes on the Lord. He will direct our steps as we travel back to Him. “Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me,” (Psalm 119:133).

Whatever you’re dealing with in your life right now, I pray you continue to seek counsel from the Lord and allow Him to guide you as you turn the page. Don’t settle for the mundane earthly life that has no lasting rewards. Let go of any bitterness in your heart because it is detrimental to your spiritual, physical, and psychological health. Avoid wandering and instead travel with purpose toward the Father.

Have a blessed week!

-Becky